An Infallible Sense of Direction
by Errie Wyvern
Summary: [Murdoc x Noodle] The last long lap is the hardest. I shall be dumped where the weed decays, and the rest is rust and stardust.
1. that's incentive

Absently swiping at her mouth, Noodle swung her skinny legs over the edge of her futon and scrunched up her snub nose when she tasted blood. She'd have to try and remember to sleep with her mouth closed, her lips were getting violently chapped these days. Picking the dead flaps of skin off her thin lips, Noodle absently shuffled towards the bathroom. Her bare feet accidentally kicked against a soft cotton yukata that she used as a makeshift bathrobe, but she just gently toed it out of the way.

The summer night was muggy, her dark blue panties and white tank top were almost too much for her to stand. Even at eighteen, legal adulthood, Noodle still had little to offer in the way of feminine curves. She didn't think anyone would really catch her on the way to the bathroom, since her band members and housemates lived in random corners of Kong Studios.

Noodle carelessly ran her short nails over the back of her head, ruffling her short crop of feathery hair. She tucked her long bangs behind her ears and pushed open the door to the closest available loo. The thick door had recently gotten some maintenance, she judged from the lack of annoying squeak as she slipped inside.

Noodle was still a little slow from sleep that she couldn't wait to get back to, but when she saw what was happening on the other side of the bathroom that apparently had no intention of stopping, she just sort of stared for a moment.

Murdoc's pants were shoved around his upper thighs (which, Noodle noted, looked absolutely ridiculous) and she had a perfectly unobstructed view of his ass as he proceeded to shag the brains out of the gasping brunette he had pinned against the wall. Her eyes were screwed up tight and her legs were locked around his lower back. Her hair was a horrid mess and she looked like she was in pain. Noodle was captivated until the unnamed woman started wailing in what would have sounded likeagony had there not been gasps of, "Oh yes, right there!" and, "Oh Murdoc, you're so good, so good!" and so forth and so forth. His hands were grasping at the tile with his hideously broken nails, and Noodle had a far off thought of offering a manicure to her bassist.

Now, this was not the Japanese teen's first experience with sex. She did have the internet and a lock on her door. Beginning puberty had been the worst, with no boys her own age interesting her and no woman in the house to look to for tips on how to relieve the ache in between her thighs. She settled for a few experimental hours using tips from a few different and very informative websites, with frustrating results.

However, this WAS the first opportunity she had gotten to witness the act in the flesh, no more than five feet from her. And she was utterly entranced and repulsed with how incredibly...ugly the entire thing was. For starters, the woman didn't even look remotely seductive, what with her face all red and screwed up and her hair flying every which way, and Murdoc just looked STUIPID with his belt buckle flopping around and his slightly stained underwear taunt around his less-than-rock hard thighs.

Murdoc was not exactly good looking under normal circumstances, and Noodle half wished to see his face, just to peek at his expression. She had a flash of those intense mismatched eyes fixed upon her, watching only her, and she was horrified to feel a familiar rush of heat in her panties. She tried to calm herself by rationalizing that his eyes were almost certainly closed, and his face expressionless except for maybe a slight sneer, a concentration crease in between his eyebrows. However, the normally green-tinted skin of the notorious Satanist seemed to take on more of a smooth olive tone to her, and the rush of heat grew stronger. Thoroughly confused, she managed a small squeak before turning around and running out of the bathroom, shoving the door open as she went.

The brunette's equally brown eyes popped wide open as she stared at the slowly closing door and the spot where someone had just stood. Murdoc finished up in two more strokes and pulled out of her, dropping her back on her feet and letting her skirt fall into place once more. She started slowly, "Murdoc, does a girl stay he-"

He silenced her with a growl of, "Shut it Penny, I'll take care of it."

She looked offended and then lost, "My name is Leslie..." but he was already gone, buckling his belt as he went.

--

Noodle huddled under her thick white comforter, shuddering. What was WRONG with her? The sight had not been even remotely erotic, more like morbidly fascinating. Like a train wreck with Murdoc's bum hanging out of it. The fake women with the plastic-looking skin in those adult films she had downloaded had more appeal!

But when Noodle touched her nether regions, she found a damp spot on her panties that had soaked through. She gently placed pressure on the spot and almost gasped. She sucked her chapped lower lip into her mouth and squeezed her eyes shut, pressing just a bit harder.

In all her haste to get back to her bedroom, Noodle had forgotten the convenient lock on her door. And, in forgetting this convenient lock, she had also kicked her soft cotton yukata across the smooth surface of her hardwood floors, right in front of said door. So, whilst Murdoc in all of his annoyed lust-deprived fury swung open this door and made to stomp inside, the heel of one very well-worn Cuban boot slipped up very neatly on one wide sleeve of one soft blue cotton yukata, sending one very brassed off bassist to the floor with a very undignified thump.

Noodle, immediately pushing her impromptu discovery about her more girly bits to the back of her mind, shot up out of bed and hauled one now stunned and still annoyed Murdoc Niccals up by his skinny arm. She leaned over him, thin teenage limbs bent at awkward angles and long guitar-hardened fingers probing the back of his head and neck for injury. Murdoc, still a little stunned by his fall and the quick help of his fellow band member, turned and got a remarkable view of Noodle's small but still rounded breasts. Seeing as the white material of the tank top was very thin, he could see small dark brown nipples, tightened little buds they were, and a few smatterings of dark freckles from too much sun in too low cut shirts. His surprisingly sensitive crooked nose twitched at a very pungent aroma emanating from not to far from his head...

Shocked, Murdoc quickly caught the wrists the concerned girl, pulling her over so that he could look at her face. His eyes examined every bit of it, from her slightly raw lips to her blushing cheeks and widened eyes. She lowered her head and allowed her dark, sweaty bangs to obscure most of her face. His mismatched ones stared at the top of her head, before his sense of righteous fury came back to him.

His placed one large hand on the back of her neck and the other grasped her chin with two fingers. He pressed down on her neck, forcing her knees to give way and bring her to a more comfortable, eye-level position with him. His fingers forced her almond eyes to meet his demonic ones.

Dark brows furried, he ground out, "What the bloody HELL were you doin' in the bloody loo in the middle of the FUCKING night?"

Her forehead puckered as she wet her lips with her little pink tongue before saying, "I had to...go to the bathroom? Why else would I be up?"

She had a point, damnit. But, "Couldn't you hear the NOISE? I thought it'd be obvious that that particular room would be...occupied."

She whimpered, "I couldn't hear it, I swear! The door is so thick, and I'd just woken up and I was just scratching an itch on my head and it was so unbelievably HOT in here and.."

Murdoc silenced her with a hard squeeze to her chin. "Noodle, love, may I ask you a question?"

She stopped, then stared at him with wary eyes, "Of course, Murdoc-san."

He took in a deep breath and released it, pressing in close to her ear and letting his infamous tongue slither out just a hint, a question of it being there at all, before hissing, "Noodle, why in the loving name of SATAN are you turned on?"

Her head jerked back, but he kept his grip on her pretty little chin before breathing, "I can smell it from here, love. Is it because of me? Ofwhat you saw?Do you want me to throw you down on your soft bed here and fuck your stupid brains out? Is that what you want?"

She stammered out a weak, "I...I don't...don'...don't know..."

His thick, heavy fingers curled over the back of head, tilting it up and exposing her vulnerable throat to him; predator.

"Find out."

There was a hot hiss of breath over her neck and he was gone. He stood up somewhat gracefully, unfolding himself before her eyes. There was a muttered, 'stay here' before he walked out and slammed the door behind him.

Noodle raised a shaky hand to neck, uncharacteristically unsure. Up until now, Murdoc had been a sibling, maybe even a crude sort of father figure. She knew he took girls to his Winnebago in the car park on a weekly, if not nightly, basis and she knew exactly what he did to them there, and the thought had never even crossed her mind that she might one day even consider the notion of want him to do that to HER. He was three, maybe four times her age. He was OLD. He was her coworker, her friend, he had helped (sort of) raise her to who she was now.

She had always considered the possibility of one day maybe developing a crush on one of her bandmates, but it had always been sweet Stu-Pot or the intelligent Russel, with Murdoc goading them all on the in the background. It had never, EVER been Murdoc himself. Not once, not even in a fever induced nightmare.

She sighed and flopped back onto one of her askew tatami mats. She was still a virgin, everyone in the band had so far scared off any potential bed-warmers that she might even consider bringing home. Sure, she'd kissed her fair share of boys, but that was it. None of them had ever held her attention for long, or even really interested her in the first place. When her period had come, she'd been unceremoniously thrust into a doctor's office to get the birds and the bees talk and why her vagina had suddenly started to leak blood and would continue to leak for at least three days, and it was important that this disgusting and rather frightening action happened once a month. She had scrunched up her little snub nose once more and took it all in stride. After all, she had a mission to accomplish.

She briefly considered losing her virginity to someone on her wedding night, or in the back seat of a car after she'd managed to finally sneak away for a night to a random boy that would have a wonderful story to tell for the rest of his life, or to a devoted fan that would gift her with roses and praise and yell to the whole world that he had popped Noodle's cherry, and she realized that she did not relish in any of these ideas. In fact, she had no idea if she was ever going to get married, and in her hormone-induced lust, she might slip up one night after not being able to take it much longer and run out and shag the first boy she came across, which might result in some rather unpleasant diseases or the more unpleasant possibility of pregnancy.

So that left the idea of Murdoc.

The thought slithered across her brain, the Electra complex from Hell.

She sighed and turned on her side, contemplative. She closed her eyes and settled her hands on her thighs, reaching up with one long finger to poke at the crotch of her underwear, with the startled realization that this was the first genuine time that she had been aroused. Previously, all of her attempts at masturbation had failed, mostly because of the inane ways other women had suggested. Honestly, humping a pillow? The very idea had been dumbfounding when she read it, and the only thingshe got when she even tried the stupid method was a quite uncomfortable dryness quite quickly. Her own fingers didn't seem to know what to do, and halfway through anything, she felt ridiculous and stupid and stopped it all to reach over and play a few notes on her guitar.

She'd tried visual stimulation, but mostly found it to be badly acted and horrendously frightening (they put what WHERE!), so much so that she immediately turned it off and deleted every last bit of it. But this, with Murdoc and the unknown brunette in the bathroom, as stupid as she had observed it to look, was personal. This was someone that she KNEW, that she had known for eight solid years, give or take a few months apart. She knew his habits, she knew what he liked for breakfast, how he liked the studio to be set up for practice, what he could and probably do with that wicked tongue of his. She knew the layout of his Winnebago like the back of hand, had Cortez sit on her hand a few times and pluck berries out of her fingertips. In return, he almost always handed them over to Murdoc, which she had never understood, but was happy to have the bird trust her all the same.

She was still thinking when Murdoc kicked her door open and slammed it again just as fiercely.

"I hope you're happy, ninja brat. A damn good shag was just escorted off the premises, with an unfortunate promise of never again returning." He'd decided to leave out the blows to his age and his preference of age AND gender of sexual partners, and the blow that would have been inflicted to his ugly mug had he not caught her wrist first and pushed her out of the Kong Studios gateway. "Damn Jenny...Penny...whatever the hell her name was."

Noodle stared up at him as he grumbled a bit before shucking off his boots and pulling off his shirt, his inverted cross shining in the moonlight. He put his hands on his hips before stretching slightly and plopping down on her bed.

She propped her head up with one arm as she watched him toss all of her stuffed animals off of her bed and shove them underneath the heavy wooden frame of her futon.

She managed to croak out in a semi-normal voice, "What're you doing, Murdoc-san?"

"You deprived me of a good shag and someone who would've undoubtedly proved to be a good bed-warmer. The least you can do is provide me a place to sleep during the night."

Noodle was momentarily stunned. It was her fault he was shagging in the bathroom that was practically RIGHT NEXT DOOR to her bedroom? It was her fault that the brunette hadn't decided to stay? Now she was obligated to provide the obstinate man a place to SLEEP? She said matter of factly, "You have the Winnie."

"'s empty."

She got up. "You're old enough to be my father."

He paused and his red eye gleamed at her in the dull light, "Grandfather if I started early."

She reached out and brushed the hair away from his forehead. "You'd be my first."

He placed a heavy hand on the light curve of her hip. "It's only fitting, isn't it? After all, you were addressed to ME."

She stepped between his spread legs. "I'm too young for you."

He scooted back. "Correction, I'm too old for you."

She cocked her head and stared at him as he tossed his belt on the floor. "You're not my boyfriend, or my brother." Hesitant, lightly confused.

He held out one hand in a disturbingly gentlemanly gesture, ragged nails and all. "Come to bed, Noodle."

Her white tank top joined his dark shirt on the highly polished wood of her floor.

-----

Six pages! SIX! I wrote this in, let's see...an hour and a half. Its unbeta'd, right off the printing press. Forgive any small errors please, it's late and I didn't do my Psychology paper because of this. MurdocNoodle has always held a sense of fascination for me, the same way mostolder male/younger femalepairings do. And this IS legal, Noodle is eighteen. In case you didn't get that at the beginning.

Forgive if they're out of character! This is my first Gorillaz fanfic, I tried to make passable...

I want to do a second chapter, I'm outlining it in my head now.


	2. of angels and angles

Noodle hesitatingly placed one callused hand in Murdoc's, covering up her small breasts with the other. She blushed and looked away when he drew her closer, his knee bumping against her hip and his foot pushing gently against the back of her knee.

He lay back on the rumpled mess of her bed, legs parted and Noodle half kneeling between them. She drew her other knee up and leaned forward, placing her hands on either side of Murdoc's shoulders. He allowed her to drop his hand, instead running it along her back and against the subtle curve of her backside. She made a small noise in the back of her throat, leaning down and brushing her lips daintily against his own.

Murdoc paused her by laying a heavy hand on her shoulder. He ran the hand along her smooth skin, up her neck and tangling into her hair. He held her still while he pressed light kisses against her lips, gentle butterfly brushes. She tried to catch his lip in her mouth on instinct, aching for more pressure.

Murdoc pulled back slightly and looked at her. Her eyes were unfocused; all of her attention seemed to be on her mouth, which was rather pretty too, now that he looked at it. She didn't and never would have the rich, full mouth of a movie actress or model. Her lips were small, delicately formed and currently a very fetching glossy pink. Stretched into a smile, they would be too thin, almost non existent. Her grins were always filled with teeth anyhow, Murdoc failed to see why her lips needed to be bigger.

He drew her head down and placed an almost harsh kiss on her lips, opening her mouth with his and sneaking his tongue inside. If he tasted unpleasant, she failed to notice, or maybe just to care. He felt the vibrations of a moan shoot through her, and her thin legs were pushing through his to land her core on his stomach.

Murdoc broke away to grasp at her hips, pushing her down firmly on his jean covered erection. She sat up and threw her head back, baring her breasts to his hungry gaze and pressing down harder on that erogenous spot between her legs.

Noodle was almost about to faint from the heat. Was this what she had been missing? This delicious pressure of Murdoc's unforgiving hands on her hips, the feeling of overpowering helplessness as he guided her hips into a rhythm, helping her seek the release that had been so long denied her. She looked down at Murdoc, eyes wide.

"Murdoc, this is...ah!" She watched him watch her through heavily lidded eyes, a sneer starting to curl up one corner of his mouth. She couldn't tear her gaze away from him, even as he slid one finger up inside of her, soon followed by another. His red eye darkened to burgundy, and Noodle let her eyes drift close and her head fall back, her hands pushing against his chest and her hips working in a way she didn't know they could.

He sat up and wound one arm around her back, clutching her to him. She wailed when the cold metal of his inverted cross pressed against her belly, but clutched his hair with one hand and his back with the other.

He patted her bum with one hand and as his other gently untangled itself from her panties. Her posture straightened a little, his head now level with the bottom of her breasts, and he hooked his fingers onto her underwear and started to slide them down her legs. She wiggled backwards, sliding her thin teenage legs off the edge of her futon. She pulled the panties down completely and stepped out of them.

Murdoc sat up, legs splayed every which direction and a bulge in the front of his trousers. He fixed his gaze upon her while she stretched a little, working out a few kinks she had acquired along the way. He reminded himself that this was Noodle, this wasn't some groupie slut that he could fuck six ways from Sunday and never see again. She was going to be there, probably for the rest of his life. Along with that damnable dullard 2D and tubby Russel. This was Noodle. This was different.

"Noodle, love. Look at me."

She pressed her legs together uneasily and shyly glanced up at him. "Yes, Murdoc-san?"

He unzipped his pants and pulled them down his hips. Her eyes widened a little bit and there was a hitch in her breath, but she didn't run screaming or demand him to get out. That was a good sign, at least. "Come here."

She moved closer, put her hand in his and stood as close as she dared. She was still staring. He breathed out slowly. He didn't want her to be innocent; he didn't have the TIME for her to be the blushing bride that he had no intention of marrying. He needed her to understand. He gently drew her face down to his and brought her to sit upon her lap, hovering above the part of him that needed her most.

He pulled back and looked her square in the eye, remembering the first time he ever saw her. Jumping out of a wooden crate, an answer to the prayers he never said. He remembered her at ten, remembered her at thirteen, and saw her for who she was. "I won't apologize."

She gave him a small smile and said, "I'd be worried if you did."

He pulled her hips down.

---

"So what did you find in Japan?" Murdoc had splayed one hand across the taunt skin of her belly and rested his forehead on the back of her neck.

"Five years later and you just now think to ask me?" She sounded bemused, idly tracing sheets of music onto his hip with one slim finger.

"Well, I never really cared, to tell you the truth." He ran his hand up to brush his knuckles across the bottoms of her breasts.

She sighed and resettled her head on the pillow, letting his leg fall over hers. "My name."

"Sounds important." He cupped a breast as an afterthought, feeling the weight of it in his palm. He peered over her shoulder to watch it bounce after he took his hand away.

"Not really."

"Didn't think so."

----

Noodle woke to sore thighs and an empty bed. She sat up, wincing. Not only did it hurt to move, but there was a certain twinge to the air, a certain sour after smell that made her nose scrunch up. She stretched, hoping to work out sore muscles that hadn't really ever been needed prior to the night before.

There was a pounding on the door before Russel's deep voice yelled, "Breakfast, kiddo! Get down here, pronto!" Shuffling footsteps announced his departure before Noodle sprang out of bed and instantly regretted it. She would have howled if she had been an ounce weaker, but she settled for slumping to the floor on her knees. What was this! There was a deep-seeded burn that spread all through the tops of her thighs and her lower abdomen. She gasped weakly and pressed her hands up between her thighs.

Her forehead was touching the floor when the door opened and the familiar tap of Cuban heels came sauntering in. Murdoc had never really been considered a gentleman, but as he had to remind himself about a dozen times the night before, this was Noodle. Noodle was different, she was special. Special girls deserved special treatment. He didn't want her first time to make a bad impression on him like his did.

He bent down and helped her to her feet, placing a kiss on her forehead and pressing a small cup of water in her hand. She looked up at him and he showed her the two painkillers in his hand. He reached up and cupped her chin gently before using his thumb to open her mouth. She obligated and opened a little wider. He popped one pill into her mouth and watched as she downed half the glass with shaky hands. He waiting until she had swallowed and looked a little more alert before cupping her chin once more. She needed no incentive to open her mouth this time, a little too eagerly in his opinion. He snorted and tossed the in the pill before backing off and picking up her yukata.

She realized she was standing before him naked as the day she was born and felt little shame. The fact that he was completely dressed in a fresh set of clothes did little to her self-esteem. He helped her slip on her short yukata and handed her the belt to tie around her waist. He was about to walk out of the door when she tugged a little on the back of his shirt.

"What...what will we tell the others?"

He looked at her silently for a second. "Make sure they don't ask."

He turned around again, but she tugged harder. "Murdoc-SAN, what if they DO ask?"

He sighed and said in that low, gravel filled voice of his, "I'll take care of it, Noodle-luv. I'll take care of it."

She gave him another small grin and padded her way out of the room.

----

Breakfast went off without a hitch. If Russel noticed the quickly purpling mark on her collarbone, just visible from her yukata, he didn't say anything. If 2D noticed that she was walking a little more carefully than normal, he didn't say anything. They did stare suspiciously at Murdoc when he strode in just after Noodle, followed her to the cereal cupboard, automatically handing her the sweetened garbage she liked to gorge herself with and snagging a pastry for himself.

He continued to search through the cupboards while Noodle ate, mumbling to himself about some stashed tequila that he thought he still had hidden around here somewhere. He gave up right about the time that Noodle finished eating and was rinsing her dish.

2D stared at them both blankly, his mind whirring sluggishly about the mark on Noodle's neck, and why it seemed so familiar.

Absently rubbing the side of his own neck, he went back to his usual breakfast of painkillers and orange juice.

Russel, on the other hand, asked Noodle to go get dressed, some photographer had called about a photoshoot that had been scheduled a few months in advanced that nobody bothered to keep track of. She scurried out while Murdoc tossed the rest of his pastry into the trash.

"Fuck, give me a minute and I'll go lock up the Winnie..."

Russel looked at him strangely, "Muds, I don't know when you picked up such a fondness for photoshoots, but this one is for Noodle exclusively. They wanted to get my opinion on a few things and asked me to drive her down in the Geep."

Murdoc gave him a dirty look. "You mean MY Geep, and I don't recall YOU asking to use it."

Noodle hustled back in, a smattering of blue eyeshadow and a hint of lipgloss touching her face. Her micro mini skirt was barely visible from under oversized sweater, and her big boots clopped around while she tried to shove her fluorescent pink fishnet stockinged feet into them. Tugging the laces into a semblance of a bow, she gave a salute to Russel. "Ready to go, Russel-san?"

"Of course, kid, just as soon as SOMEONE will stop being stubborn and let us borrow the damn Geep."

Russel and Murdoc glared at each other for three minutes before Murdoc finally snapped.

Noodle waited patiently by the door while Murdoc stomped past her, growling, "I'M DRIVING."

---

The ride to the shoot was short and silent, save for Noodle's directions. She'd been to the studio a few times before and was familiar with the way. Of course, with Murdoc driving, there was bound to be a few mishaps and close calls, which Russel was still carrying on about as they walked to the studio doors.

"I don't know why you had to drive OVER the curb!"

"It was on the bloody corner, not my damn fault it got in the way."

"What about that back alley Noodle told you specifically not to take?"

"What does she know? We're here, aren't we?"

"We're half an hour LATE!"

"So?"

"We left two hours EARLY!"

Noodle simply ushered the two inside and walked up to the frazzled photographer. He kissed her on both cheeks and missed the death glare Murdoc sent his way. He sent her over to a group of chattering females, all dressed in various pastels and white smocks. They all let out a collective giggle when they saw her and it looked like Easter had suddenly come alive and swallowed the poor girl whole.

Murdoc pried his eyes away when he felt Russel's meaty hand engulf his neck.

Their noses brushed when Murdoc turned his head, and he could do very little except for stare into those glaring white eyes. "What the FUCK have you done to Noodle?"

----

Noodle winced as her face was washed and her hair was combed and a few of the ladies clucked impatiently over the choice placement of the marks her lover had left on her. A bright blonde whispered to her, "So, who's the mystery man? There's no talk of you have a boy toy in the papers."

Blushing furiously, Noodle hissed, "Nobody, now please do your job."

Smirking, the woman loaded up a spongy triangle with thick, goopy makeup and started to spread it across Noodle's neck and chest. "Well, whoever he is, he certainly isn't concerned about bruising, now is he?"

She stared into the mirror, "That he isn't."

----

Murdoc smirked at the younger man. "Nothing."

"Bullshit." Russel squeezed a little tighter before shoving him away. "You did something, I know you did. She wasn't as active as she should have been this morning, not in the slightest bit..."

Murdoc shrugged. "She's an adult; it's none of your damn business."

Russel froze for a moment, staring at Murdoc with a twitch blooming under his right eye. The fat black man pointed a thick finger at Murdoc's face, "If I find out that you did ANYTHING to her that she did not ask for, I will do much more than break that fucking ugly nose of yours again."

Murdoc smirked. "And I'll let you."

----

Noodle pushed past the Easter Bunny's hellhounds with a vengeance, humiliated beyond all belief. She knew this was a popular magazine, especially in the States, and she knew that her now adult status was going to take the band's image up a whole new notch, but she REALLY did not like the way they attempted to dress her. She didn't care if she was going to be on the cover of Max-something, she didn't want to wear what they put her in.

But the photographer looked so relieved when he saw her, and she felt so bad about being late, that she gave him a practiced smile and twirled for him. He clapped lightly and kissed her cheeks one last time before sending her over to the set.

Noodle found a riding crop on a school teacher's desk, complete with open lesson plan and wicker basket of shiny red apples.

And, of course, the obligatory teacher behind the desk, wearing not a stitch but a tie, smart pair of rimless glasses, and a smile.

----

Murdoc and Russel stopped, stared, and both slowly started to twitch in the most violent way.

Noodle was not dressed as Noodle. In fact, Noodle was dressed in a way that made thoughts come to both mans heads that one did not appreciate and the other practically salivated over.

Said Japanese teen wore a little red plaid pleated skirt, obviously shortened, and a skinny black tank top that really showed off more cleavage than was necessary. There was a tiny black blazer thrown over it, falling off of one shoulder and only stopping at her bustline anyways. Her hair was held back with bright red clips, her lips a wicked red gloss, and her legs encased in the smoothest white thigh highs Murdoc had ever seen. Six inch stilettos and the barest flash of bright white panties made him squirm and Russel avert his eyes.

They watched, helpless, as Noodle picked up a riding crop off the set (Murdoc absently wondered where his had floated off to) and seated herself on the edge of a deep mahogany desk. She smiled nervously at the half-naked man behind the desk, some fancy pants actor from some stupid American television show or movie or something else Murdoc never cared about.

Noodle listened attentively to the photographer before snatching an apple from the basket, biting through the crisp red skin and holding the tender flesh in her mouth before leaning over to the teacher and laying the tip of the crop against his cheek. A few flashes went off and Noodle changed her position a little bit. She sat completely on the desk, like a pin up, and held the actor's chin with two fingers, giving the camera a wicked smirk.

There were several different poses, including a few of just Noodle herself, and Murdoc reminded himself to beat the shit out of the photographer until he could snag a few copies for himself.

Russel spoke in hushed and terse words to the photographer until the man got annoyed enough that he had a reporter come over to take the drummer away. Promised interview and all that rot. Murdoc laughed coarsely at the vindictive look on the man's face.

Then the photographer called for a break.

----

Noodle sighed absently, accepting a warm cup of green tea from a nearby attendant. She sipped it gratefully before feeling a warm hand patting her hip and the soft leather tip of the crop tapping her on the cheek.

She turned around and smiled at Murdoc, "What do you think so far, Murdoc-san?"

He grinned his ugly grin at her, "I think I'm going to steal a few of those prints for myself."

She gave him a full on toothy smile, her real smile, before giving him a gentle hug. He whispered in her ear, "Russ thinks he knows."

She stiffened and back away from him slightly. He looked at her seriously before running the crop through a wayward hunk of bang. He tapped her on the cheek again before holding out his arm for her. She took it graciously, but her grip was a little too hard and her smile was a little too forced. He bent down and whispered again, "I'll take care of it, love. I said I would." She paused, and then gave a terse nod and he handed her back the crop.

As she flounced back to the set, he couldn't keep his eyes off her hips.

----

That night, after a careful look from Russel and a gapped grin and enthusiastic wave from 2D, Noodle retired to her room.

She sat with her guitar, plucking the melody from 'Feel Good Inc' absently and swinging her feet off the edge of her bed. She nibbled her lip and grabbed at the hems of her pajama pants with her toes from time to time. She wore her old radio hat, even though she rarely did these days. It helped her think.

There was a soft knock on the door and she stopped playing for a moment, startled. It creaked open and Murdoc came in soundlessly. She shrugged and started plucking out odd tunes at random. He sat next to her awkwardly.

She found an old melody, an old acoustic song from way back when, before she was born or even thought about. She stopped when Murdoc leaned over and buried his face in her neck.

She raised a hand and carefully laid it on the back of his head, running her fingers through his thick hair. He gave a deep sigh and seemed content to just sit next to her, leaning on her. She turned her face ever so slightly and pressed it against the top of his head.

They stayed that way for a few more minutes, until Murdoc reached up and caught her around the waist, gently pulling her backwards. Her guitar leaned up against the frame of her futon, forgotten.

----

And end chapter two! Its a few pages longer than chapter one, and I must say I have no idea where the plot is going. Well, I have a vague one, about the general atmosphere I want to create and whatnot. I threw in the photo shoot because I originally wanted this story to be about Noodle doing that secretly and the guys finding out a month later when they picked up an issue of said magazine. And I just wanted the sexy imagery. That's a good enough excuse, right?


	3. moon ballad

The days and weeks that followed seem to fall into a pattern. Every other night, Murdoc would knock on the door to her room or she would tap on the door to the Winnie, and one would let the other in and would stay there until morning.

The soreness between Noodle's thighs dissipated as her muscles got used to the stretching. She had gained a new attractiveness to Murdoc, who before would have rejected her as being too skinny and childish. But, knowing about the subtle curve of her hip and the way a sheet would silhouette her breasts and abdomen, he couldn't see her as a kid anymore.

Noodle herself was still trying to cope with the fact that Murdoc was now her lover, albeit surreptitiously. He didn't take groupies to his bed anymore, he took her. He didn't refrain from giving an enthusiastic fan a hug and maybe a little grope here or there, but at night, it was always her. She wasn't sure how to feel about it, especially since they didn't seem to be in any sort of relationship. She was still a teenager; she didn't want lovers, she wanted boyfriends. She wanted someone to hold her hand and take her to the movies and introduce her to their parents. Sure, being pressed up against the smooth wall of her room and feeling Murdoc so close behind her was wonderful, but Noodle wanted more. She covered her face with her hands and chastised herself for being so selfish.

There was a crossroads coming up, and Noodle's internal compass was starting to break from the pressure.

----

_Bathed in the cold wind _

_Imagining these feelings night after night _

_The melody I hum softly _

_Is etched in time and disappears _

Noodle ran her tongue over her teeth and then over her bottom lip, sucking it into her mouth and nibbling on the dry flakes of skin once more. Her lips were chapped and prone to bleeding, and it was a bad habit to pick off the dead skin. Noodle frowned and wiped at her mouth. Her lips must be hypersensitive to stress, she thought. She scrubbed furiously at her mouth with the sleeve of her sweater and grinned with it came back smeared with blood and soft, transparent bits of flesh.

She skipped out of her room and past the infamous bathroom, in search of a different sink with a mirror. She nearly bumped into Murdoc turning around a corner, skidding to the side just in time to avoid a head on collision. He had his bass on his back and was followed by a yawning 2D. Murdoc reached out a hand to steady her as 2D shot her a gap-toothed grin.

"What'd you do to yer face?" 2D reached over and poked her lower lip, and she relished in the sting.

Murdoc narrowed his eyes.

"It is nothing, 2D-san. My lips were simply chapped and I didn't notice. I'm trying to find a suitable sink to wash my face in right now." She reached up and smeared a small sliver of blood on her fingertips before wiping it off on the edge of her skirt.

2D clapped his hands together. "Oh, I know! There's a nicely lit bathroom over by my bedroom. We can run there before going to practice!"

Noodle stopped, a little confused. "Practice? I do not know of any practice, I don't remember scheduling anything for at least another few days..."

Murdoc snorted. "You've been acting a little distracted lately, so I took over booking rehearsal time. Come on, girl, get your act together!" He snuck out a cruel laugh before poking the middle of her forehead roughly.

He sauntered off towards her room, calling over his shoulder, "I'll get your guitar, you go wash up." Noodle found herself oddly distracted by the way he walked, almost as if he had just...She whipped her head around and stared at 2D.

"Has Murdoc-san...had a girl in his room lately?" Even though the Winnebago was considered a house on wheels, Noodle had never gotten over referring to it as Murdoc's room. She gave a forced, polite smile and followed 2D as he led her back to his bathroom.

He scratched his head, gave her a small shrug and a stupid smile and led the way back to his room.

Noodle's face remained impassive, but her inner compass gave a small tweak in an opposite direction.

---

After a harrowing eight hour session, Noodle sucked at one of her bleeding fingertips as she adjusted her guitar on her back. Switching fingers, her almond shaped eyes watched 2D and Russel's retreating backs, one quickly overshadowed by the other. Popping her thumb into her mouth, her eyes slid over to the long forgotten calendar on her wall. Narrowing her eyes, she mentally counted the days until July 7th, and frowned when she realized it was only three weeks away.

Murdoc leaned against a wall and watched Noodle think. She was nibbling absently at her fingers and switching her weight from one foot to the other. He watched her white pleated skirt sway alluringly. He followed her trim hips up to her tiny waist and vest-muffled chest. He was amused to think that she hadn't grown much taller since she was twelve. She was little, and it fit. Little Noodle-girl.

He found himself pushing his frame away from the wall and walking towards her. The sound of his heels tapping on the concrete didn't catch Noodle's attention, and she jumped slightly when his arms went around her from behind. He laced his fingers casually against her small stomach and nuzzled his face against her short hair. One of her hands immediately went to cup the back of his head and he grinned against her skin. He quickly frowned when he felt her tapping her fingers against his head in a pattern.

Annoying.

He jerked his head away, "What the hell were you doing that for?"

She wheeled around, eyes wide. "I am sorry, Murdoc-san. I was counting."

He frowned at her and stared down his crooked nose. "Counting what?"

She ducked her head and scuffed one big platform against the floor. "The days until the tanabata festival." At his darkening look, she was quick to translate. "It's also known as the star festival. It's a tradition, I want to celebrate it."

He groaned and looked down at her. On one hand, he could be a jerk and call it stupid and then walk off, or he could keep her lovely little body close to his for a few minutes more and listen to her prattle on about this star festival she wanted to badly to rope him into. "And what's it about, love?"

She happily let him hold her again. "It's on July 7th. Some places celebrate it in August, but I like July better. A really long time ago, there was a princess and a cow herder. They fell in love and played all the time, so the king separated them on opposite sides of the Milky Way. They're allowed to meet once a year, on July 7th." He idly ran one hand up her side. She took it as a sign to continue. "We'll get a small bamboo tree and write wishes on small stripes of pretty paper. Then we'll hope that July 7th isn't rainy and we can have the festival! We'll hang our papers on the tree and hope that they come true."

He breathed in a little of her scent. "Is that it, then?"

She shrugged. "Pretty much. I'll put up streamers and little bags to symbolize the weaving together of our threads and wealth. It'll be fun, I promise! We could have our own personal little tree, for wishes that we do not want the others to see..." She bit her lip and brushed her hand against Murdoc's thigh.

"Sounds absolutely perfect, darling." He pulled her against him a little more possessively.

She grinned. Worked like a charm!

---

Three weeks later, Murdoc was in a very sour mood. Noodle had not only insisted upon cleaning up his trailer for the special occasion, she had become 'too busy' to warm his bed at night. He'd taken in a few of the more eager groupies for a night or two, keeping a few panties as souvenirs. A few days before the festival, Noodle had come in brightly, waving to him and freezing at the sight of an extremely shapely body under the covers next to his underwear clad form. He had just given her a dead stare while she clasped her hands together and bowed deeply and stiffly, apologizing for the unwanted intrusion.

He couldn't find it in himself to do the same.

---

Noodle sat in the kitchen, straight as the chair her bum was fixed upon. In front of her were four strips of pale pink paper with little white cherry blossoms on them. She picked up a pen with one hand and set it back down. She did this four times before finally grasping the pen firmly.

She wrote her first wish in English:

_I hope the new album does well._

She wrote her second wish in Japanese:

_I wish I could have a boyfriend._

She felt bold.

Her third wish was also in English:

_I want everyone to be where they are supposed to, and accept it._

Her fourth and final wish, weighing down the pen, was long and in tiny Japanese characters:

_I want to have the courage to leave Murdoc and not Gorillaz. I want to feel fulfilled and not used. I do not want to use anyone. I want..._

She stopped and thought. What DID she want? Sure, with the discovery of the woman in Murdoc's bed, her compass had quickly spun around and told her to leave him, leave the lust and the imbalance behind and start over. The Japanese government would go looking for her anyways, their new album was about to be released and her image would be broadcast all over the world, again. Her mission was nearing its end, and she knew exactly what happened after her purpose was fulfilled.

Termination.

Noodle grasped the pen with resolve once more and finished her final wish in tiny, shaky characters:

_I want to live._

For the first time in years, Noodle laid down her head and cried.

---

2D and Russel were conversing quietly as they started to push in the door to the kitchen, both on the lookout for something edible. They knew to avoid the odd Japanese treats that Noodle had been stocking up on for the star thingy that she was putting on in a few weeks.

On the outside, they looked to be talking about the bass in one of their latest tracks, and how much it would have to be toned down in some places and have the guitar overpower it in others. On the subtext, they were discussing what they would never dare say out loud.

"So, you really think it's too strong in the middle?"

"_You really think he would dare do that to her?"_

"Oh yeah, man, it's just too much!"

"_Of course I do. If I was him, I would."_

"But don't you think we need it there to balance out the rest of the mood?"

"_But she seems alright to me, they seem to get along just fine."_

"Oh what fucking ever, we do not. It just overpowers the entire melody."

"_She's a big girl, but she's still OUR girl and we gotta protect her from the big bad wolf."_

"But I rather liked it..."

"_She knows what she's doing."_

"Too damn bad."

"_With Murdoc? She has no idea."_

They both stopped dead in the doorway, staring with disbelief at the figure at the table.

Noodle was sleeping with her eyes wide open, unfocused and the whites glaring. One side of her face was twitching slightly and her hand was digging into the soft, cheap pressboard of the table. She was murmuring something, tapping her hand against her thigh. 2D got closer, cupping a hand behind his ear out of concern, not noticing when the small puff of air from his foot moved a small strip of pink paper.

He looked over at Russ before motioning for him to move closer. He whispered, "She's saying something like 'ichee' and 'knee' over and over again."

Russel's bright white eyes glared at him for a second before he bent over a little, listening. "Man, that's 'ichi' and 'nii'. Japanese for one and two. But why she's saying them like that, I have no idea."

They looked at each other for an uncomfortable moment.

They stared down at the creepy face of their band member and little sister figure.

"We should, um, wake her up."

"D, man, that's a bad idea. I read a book once that said it was best for people to wake up on their own..."

"Wasn't that from sleep walking?"

"Well, her eyes are open..."

They both jumped when the door slammed open and an undressed Murdoc came stalking through the doors. He saw Noodle's blank eyes staring out at him and reacted automatically. Pushing both band members away roughly, he knelt down in front of Noodle.

He gently placed one hand on her forehead and another on her wrist, bringing her nails up from the kitchen table. He did not flinch when half of one her nails remained with the table. Holding her wrist, he said tersely to Russel, "Get me a pot or a bucket or something big and round."

Turning his head in 2D's direction without lifting his gaze from Noodle, he said, "Get me some towels, dullard. Something kind of clean and not too big."

Russel set a big silver stock pot at Murdoc's side, which he automatically placed near Noodle and he took the dishrag from 2D, pressing it to his face quickly to reaffirm it's freshness before nodding curtly and setting it in Noodle's lap.

Noodle had stopped talking and was just gasping sharply, a small whine issuing out of her throat. Her eyes were bright and heavy, tears gathering on her sparse eyelashes.

Murdoc stopped and considered her for a moment. She was always beautiful when she cried.

Sighing, he got up and stood slightly to the side of behind her. Allowing the uncomfortable edges of the chair to press into his side, he placed his hands on Noodle's shoulders and put his lips near her ear. "Noodle-luv, wake up. It's just a nightmare, love, wake up." She didn't stop whimpering and he moved around to look her in the face. He ran one heavy hand down her cheek and she breathed in.

Her eyes closed and opened. She opened her mouth before letting out a choked sob and reaching out for Murdoc, like a child for it's mother. He opened his arms to her, waiting for her fall into them like she had so many times before. She started shaking her head and her long bangs fell across her face, sticking to her mouth and wet cheeks.

She touched his lower lip with her fingers, bloody as they were. She managed to get out, "I do not wish to die, Murdoc-san, I do not wish to die." He caught her wrist and pulled her to him, hugging her quickly before holding back her hair and turning her towards the bucket.

She heaved up all the contents of her stomach, all quite digested and very much wasted. The wet, slopping noise made 2D cringe and Russel turn his head, but Murdoc didn't even flinch. He rubbed the back of her neck and handed her the towel she had dropped when she was done.

She pressed it to her mouth and sat for awhile, half on his lap and the entire room filled with a heavy stench of vomit and silence.

Russel broke the ice, "What the FUCK was that?"

Murdoc sighed and shifted, splaying his bare legs open and pulling Noodle to him, wrapping his arms around her. "Nightmares. She gets them every so often."

"Why does she say 'ichi' 'nii'?" 2D chimed in his helpful questions.

Murdoc was silent for a moment, feeling the soft warmth of Noodle against him. He loved it when Noodle cried, relished the few moments it had happened in the eight years he had known her. This was only the second time he had witnessed her cry in her sleep. He could be a sadist, yes, he loved to see Noodle in pain. He breathed it in, wanted to run his wicked tongue along her worry lines and saline ravines, he wanted to twist and break and maim her innocence and keep it as his. But this pain, this strange hurt inside of her that he just couldn't face because he couldn't comprehend it, this was just the wrong kind of pain. The kind he had no control over. He gathered her up against him.

"Her brother. Ichi-nii was her brother."

---

Noodle really woke up in the Winnebago. She sniffed delicately and noticed the absent smell of another woman, although the old, stale smell of sex was a bit fresher. She was wrapped in a clean sheet she had forced him to put on his bed. Her clothes were tossed on the small chair she had also forced him to put in his bedroom, although he had complained about the lack of room. She wrinkled her nose at the familiar sight of vomit stains on her vest.

Murdoc, plus pants, was sitting at the front of the Winnebago, smoking. He looked deep in thought, though she didn't hesitate to speak.

"I should leave."

He turned his head towards her, a menacing silhouette. "You don't have any clothes on."

"The band. I should leave the band."

He stood up and stalked towards her. She just turned her face up to look at him as he got closer, blinking her long eyes. "No."

"But it's DANGEROUS..."

"No."

"But I don't want anyone to get hur-"

He bet over and pushed his face into hers. "You were addressed to ME. You were sent to ME." He pushed his lips closer to hers, his red eye blurring until it was all she saw. "You can't leave that easily. You're MINE."

He pulled away.

He drew on a shirt.

He locked the door behind him.

Noodle's compass spun weakly in all directions, and for once, she had no idea what to do. She'd never felt so lost.

-------

Alright, end the third chapter! I'm trying to get the characterization better, and thank you for your lovely reviews! LackOfMonkey especially, I loved the long review you left. Thank you for that.

This is hot off the press, no beta-readers. I'm bad at those and write really late at night. Forgive any errors. I tried to make this chapter longer than the last one, but I don't think I succeeded.

The lyrics are from Gackt's Mizerable.


	4. nymphette

-After rereading the third chapter in my waking moments, I felt that a few things had to be explained pronto for it to make any sense at all. If chapter three confused or irritated you, please give chapter four a chance to smooth everything over. Thank you.-

Noodle sat listlessly on the couch, a pad of paper in her lap and a folded pile of brightly colored silk behind her head. Her blank eyes stared at the garish television screen in front of her, the end of a pen resting against the corner of her mouth.

2D stood to the side for a second, hidden in the shadows. After the strange events of yesterday, including his first experience with Noodle's nightmares and Murdoc's wrath when she escaped from the Winnebago that he had apparently locked her in, 2D was a little hesitant to upset the delicate balance of his young comrade. He feared she was slipping too much already.

Against his better judgment, 2D threw himself down beside Noodle.

"What're you doing there, Noodle-love?" He grinned at her startled expression.

She moved her eyes slowly down to the paper in her lap and back up to his face. "I was...preparing for the tanabata festival. I am still determined to celebrate it."

He gave her a soft smile and placed his heavy hand on her head. "I'm looking forward to it. Anything I can do to help?"

She thought for a moment. "You could buy a yukata for yourself. They're very comfortable and would make my festival much better."

He gave her a thumbs up. "I'll google it and buy one as soon as I get upstairs. Any special color?"

She shook her head. "No specific color is needed, but please get one that you would enjoy wearing."

He nodded and turned his attention to the television set, raising an eyebrow at the distasteful shopping network. He let the silence hang for five minutes before dropping the bomb.

"Murdoc said you had a brother."

---

Sulking in his Winnebago, Murdoc didn't jump when the door to the car park flew open and made a resounding gong-like noise against the concrete wall.

He didn't flinch when the door to his lovely Winnie was also thrown unceremoniously open and a petite Japanese axe princess stepped slowly inside.

Her hair looked windblown, her eyes were wide and crazy. She was shaking in fury, her lips peeled back and her teeth bared. She punched one of his walls. He wasn't surprised or upset that it left a dent.

"You...told them about Ichi-nii?" Her harsh breathing filled the silence afterwards.

"I had to fuckin tell them SOMETHING. You were going on and on about him in your sleep. I thought you decided to nap somewhere where someone wasn't likely to walk in on you?" He blew smoke up at the ceiling.

She tensed. "You had no right to tell them about that, the information was for you and you only, you had no right..." Murdoc jumped up and backed her into a wall. Leaning in close, he placed his hand by her head and leered at her.

"No right? I had no right? He's DEAD, Noodle, he's dead and gone and there's nothing you can do about it." He tried to capture her eyes when she turned her face to the side.

Sighing, he placed one hand on her hip and molded his body to fit softly with hers. Pressing his lips to her forehead quickly, he murmured, "You said he was the one closest to you, I understand that. But darling, you barely even KNEW him. Ichiro was probably just deactivated and sent out, just like you." He ignored the fact that Noodle had reclaimed the files of her comrades from her trip back to Japan, trying to figure out who she could remember and who was still nothing but a blank hole.

She pressed her face against his chest, whispering, "I got out because I was the favorite. I got out to join you guys, guide you in this direction...Ichiro completed what he needed to, or maybe he didn't, and he was terminated just like I will be." She sighed and went slack against him for a moment. "I'm tired, Murdoc-san. May we please not speak of this again?"

Murdoc nodded shortly. Noodle always slept heavily after intense orgasms, he'd try and sneak into her room tonight and read the case files after she'd gone to bed.

---

Russel and 2D didn't even look up as Noodle walked past the sitting area to lead Murdoc up to her room. She came back a moment later, rapping on the wall with little fingers. Not hard though, one of them was bandaged and she wouldn't be able to for awhile.

Russel was the first to look up, placing a finger in his worn copy of _Lolita_ by Nabokov. He gave her a warm smile and said, "What can we do for you, darling?"

2D placed a shoelace in his Zombie Weekly, staring up cautiously. After he had mentioned Noodle's brother, she had delicately sat her pad and pen on the arm of couch, gotten up, stiffly asked him to forget about it, never mention it again, and left. A ragged hand was seen slipping around her waist and 2D knew instantly where she had run off to. He wondered if she's managed to actually hit the bassist. It'd serve him right.

Bloody bastard.

Noodle smiled and waved lightly to both of them. "Ano, can you two please pick out yukata to wear at the festival? I would appreciate it if you did it tonight, since it will take awhile to get here, and they might actually have to make one big enough to fit you, Russel-san...Anyway, can you two please do that for me this evening?"

2D gave a slow nod and Russel said, "Of course dear, don't worry about it. D and I will do that right away." He moved his finger and went back to his novel. 2D was once again absorbed in the making of _Juanita: A Zombie Love Tale_. He'd have to rent it when it came out. That particular actress didn't look quite so good covered in fake flesh and mold, so it simply wouldn't do to see in the theatre.

Murdoc was practically running up to Noodle's room, dragging the girl behind him. She quickened her pace lightly, keeping up with him without too much trouble.

He ripped open the door to her room, pulled her inside and slammed it shut, pressing her against it. Hot, open-mouthed kisses were pressed against her jaw line and collarbone when Murdoc realized something very important.

He never did this with any girl. He never made desperate, sloppy moves that somehow turned her on more than anything else he'd ever done (curious to him). He never waited patiently for them to finish talking; he never waited for the privacy of her bedroom, rarely waited for the privacy of his own. He had never felt the absence of a girl so keenly before. He paused for a second, holding Noodle's hips still against his own. This was a crossroads, this was important. She stopped and pulled his head back, looking into his eyes.

"Murdoc-san?"

He blinked as though stunned. "Noodle-luv, I think I'm addicted to you."

She smiled coyly and pressed her body closer to his. That was as close as an admission of anything resembling love that she would get.

---

While Noodle was passed out on the bed, one cute butt cheek lying uncovered to the soft light of her lanterns, Murdoc searched for a folder file that he knew was there.

He'd seen her hide it, saw her put it away one time when he was coming in. He hadn't mentioned it, acted like he hadn't seen anything. She was smart and the hiding place was simple. She wanted it to be found. His long arm went behind her dresser. As his hand grasped something smooth and thick, he praised himself on his acting skills, or lack thereof. A quick peek inside to confirm the results of his search and he threw on a pair of underwear. He glanced at Noodle to make sure she was still sleeping before he left the room.

Back at the Winnie, he smoked a cigarette while he hid the folder in the compartment above his bed. Surprisingly enough, it was completely clean. Noodle had always been too afraid to open it, and he never bothered to correct her on the fact that it was his secret compartment for Things that Should Not Get Messy. Even he had the common sense to have something like that.

Standing outside the Winnie with a fresh (enough) pair of pants on, he finished smoking his cigarette before walking back inside to Noodle's room. He knew full well that she had a photo shoot and an interview the next afternoon. She also planned to pick up the decorations for the moon or star or celestial whatever the fuck it was thing. The thing he would get a lot of sex out of, and free candy. Even if it was weird Japanese shit.

Slipping in beside her, he felt her small hands immediately go for the fly on his jeans. He smirked as she placed a small kiss on his lips, not lingering long, before moving down to tug at his zipper with her teeth.

Placing a heavy hand on her head and lifting his hips, he felt that this would be a very rewarding night.

---

While she was getting dressed for the interview, Noodle was silent and thoughtful. Murdoc lay out on her bed, showing modesty for once with the sheet draped across his lap. Murdoc had always loved to watch women wiggle into their clothes. It was part of the reason he loved to rip them off. A small part, but it was still there.

A tight pair of hip huggers that drew all sorts of attention to places he would rather nobody else looked, a skinny tank top with a small, deformed version of 2D on it and a worn pair of black sneakers. He smirked when she looked in the mirror and saw the wonderful love bite he'd imprinted into her neck when she was sleeping. Blushing, she closed her eyes and sighed, turning to him.

"I talked with our publicist the other day." That was rare. Those two rarely got along, hadn't talked to each other directly in years. "She said that these...marks you keep leaving on me are attracting attention."

He grinned, "Of course they are, love."

"The WRONG kind of attention." She frowned. "There are...speculations on my love life, and because I have such a large Japanese and Korean fan-base, she said that it would be best if I appeared to be available to my fans and not tied up to someone else."

Murdoc scowled. "Fuck the publicist. She doesn't need to know what we do, and neither does anyone else. Their opinions shouldn't fucking matter, Noodle."

She turned away again and nodded slightly. She was silent for a little longer, adjusting the straps on her shirt and listlessly pulling a brush through her hair. "But Murdoc-san, our relationship could really hurt the image of the band and could possibly result in lower..."

Noodle glanced up to look at Murdoc in the mirror. He was giving her such an ugly sneer that she shut up and looked at her feet. He stood up and threw the sheet to the floor. "Noodle."

She turned her head towards him.

"Look at me."

She raised her eyes, letting them travel momentarily over the body she had come to know so well.

"I don't care about the ratings or the money. I never have. I'm famous. People don't need to know who I'm fucking to enjoy my music and buy my records."

She nodded curtly and pulled the brush through her hair one last time.

He stared at her as she walked out the door.

---

Back in his Winnie, Murdoc pulled out the folder. He stared at it for a moment. It was thick and a deep yellow, aged manila. There were brightly colored tabs along the side, bright blue 'One' and fluorescent pink 'Thirteen'. Twenty three numbers all together, as he glanced at the last tag. The papers seemed dry and old, the package crinkled under his hand.

He had laid out a clean sheet on his bed and he set the folder down on top of this. Flipping it open, he read the information on number 'One'.

Name: Anda Ichigo

(Beside this was a small handwritten note, cramped English, 'Meet in the field, to protect...I wonder if Ichigo was meant to protect?')

Birth: Jan 17

(The text was too damaged to read in some parts, blurred ink or burned paper.)

Motr: Anda Matsumoto

Father: Subject 18

(He raised his eyebrow, was this some sort of sick experiment?)

Description of powe

The rest of 'One' was gone, the page mangled so badly that he couldn't even begin to read the rest of it. There was a picture, though, of an ordinary looking Japanese boy, in his early teens. He had a handsome face with pronounced cheekbones and kind looking eyes. His hair was long and his bangs fell over one eye. His expression was blank but the edges of his lips turned up. He had a little bit of Noodle in him if Murdoc squinted the right way.

He tossed the sheet to the side, disgusted, "Fuck, next thing you know I'll be wanting to see if his ass looks the same as hers too." He picked up the next file.

'Two' was Zaraki Sakura, a lovely little thing born in mid July. She had short hair, chopped much like Noodle's, although this chit had more of a blue tint to her hair than purple. She was born to Zaraki Fuu and Subject 28. Her powers had something to do with cooking, although he wasn't sure what. Again, much of the page was mangled.

He started to simply rifle through the pages, the translated words and Japanese faces starting to blur together for him, although he always looked at the name and glimpsed to see if their secret power was available for his viewing.

'Three' was Unohana Retsu, who had something to do with flowers. Long black hair, very cute.

'Four' was Higurashi Souta, but the name next to him in Noodle's writing was 'The Unburnt'. Very solemn, neat and boring.

'Five', Hoshigake Housei, who had horrid filed teeth and what appeared to be scaly patches of skin.

'Six', Utada Ayame, who apparently could hypnotize with her voice. Maybe they could recruit her if something...unfortunate happened to 2D. Very pretty, deep eyes and a soft smile.

He followed the list until he got between 'Eleven' (Ishida Orihime, archery) and 'Thirteen' (Ukitake Kaien, copying) where Ichiro should have been. There was no 'Twelve', almost as if he had simply never existed.

Murdoc grew disgruntled and thumbed quickly through the rest of the sheets, to see if something had gotten mislabeled or if 'Twelve' had gotten stuck to the back of another number. It was useless, since 'Twelve' was gone. Upset, Murdoc threw down the papers and fell backwards. He was sure that there had been twenty-three pages, but it was entirely possible that he had just missed the lost page.

Sitting up, he started to shove the papers around again, noting when Noodle had written something random next to someone's picture or description ('She liked sunflowers.' 'He liked France.' 'I think him and '15' were a couple.' 'She was allergic to sunlight.') and he simply stopped.

Searching through a little more until he found Noodle's page (turns out she was lovely '20') and he sighed when she saw that all of the information had been cut out, leaving nothing but a picture and paper full of holes.

Taped to the inside of the folder, since the bright paper caught his eye, was a lime green form of termination. It was for '12', Kamui Ichiro.

---

Short chapter, I apologize! I'm thinking of making a list of the kids and posting them somewhere, would anyone else be interested in that? I used some pre-existing names from certain shows, forgive me if that annoys you!

I'm going to respond to some reviewers, although I usually hate when people do that in stories. But only a few!

Yumi-chan, I'm sorry you don't like sex scenes. Unfortunately, I feel that they are an important part of the story and I try to censor them artistically. I'm glad that you continued to read it, though! Thank you very much!

LackOfMonkey, as always, you're reviews I pay very much attention to. Murdoc is a difficult character to write, I wish I knew what was going on in his head. Any suggestions on how I can improve?

Danakagome, I'm sorry the chapter made you sick: Murdoc will be Murdoc, bastard as ever.

Sorry for the long notes! I'm also sorry this took so long. I just finished up my midterms at my art college. I'm studying Animation. Please let me know what I did well and what I got wrong or didn't do so well! Your opinions matter very much to me.


	5. interlude: bloom

Noodle was fascinated by her culture.

The writing in particular.

She always thought that drawing pictures for words had never been particuarly clever, children who could not yet write did it all the time. To be reasonable, it was much easier to decypher what a five year old wanted by the picture on the paper than their hideous excuse for text. She supposed that was why Japanese was much more clear to her than English, or Spanish, French, German or any of the other Latin-based languages engraved into her.

Murdoc fascinated her as well. A frightening fascination, her observation of being a possession rather than a person. She would tell him a story one day, when he was patient enough to listen to her. She imagined;

'Murdoc-san?'

'Hn?'

'I'm going to tell you a story.'

'...whatever.'

'One day there was a fool and a wise man walking down the road. They were both entranced by the flowers growing along the edge of the road. The wise man would stop and admire one flower, putting each and every petal and leaf into his memory. Then he would move onto the next flower and do the same. The fool, however, did nothing but pick the flowers, growing more frustrated as they died in his hands. At the end of the road, the fool had pockets full of wilted petals while the wise man had an eternal garden in his mind.'

And he would scowl at her with his red eye and turn his back, or he would run his hand up her side and ignore everything that she had just said. As fools went, Murdoc was not a bad one. Or maybe was a spectacular foolish success and she had just never noticed. Not much of an option, because Noodle noticed everything. Murdoc, she thought, was much akin to a dog. He was more bark than bite, he liked to curl himself around her while he slept, he was loyal to a fault but wouldn't hesitate to backstab when the situation struck him. She also discovered that he liked to have a particuarly thick patch of hair behind his ears scratched.

Between the fascination of her culture and the fascination of Murdoc, she found a link.

She thought that the language itself must be telling her something, pressing an urgent reminder upon her of her mission.

The character for dog looked like a man. A man with an a mark next to his head that might have been a raven if she squinted hard enough and used her imagination.

Murdoc was a man, and dogs were controlled easily enough.

Noodle drew her eyebrows together for a second, regret passing through her heart fleetingly. The thought of chaining Murdoc, regardless of the fact that he would have no idea, was heartbreaking. If only because she knew that if it was her who chained him, he would accept it. Not quietly, never quietly, and not without a struggle, but he would accept it in the end.

She bowed her head.

'The fool will only have a pocket full of wilted petals, but the wise man with have an eternal garden in his mind.'

She tilted her head back and let it grow.

---

Hey guys, this is just a little update. My computer died twice on me and I'm running off of a temporary harddrive until I can get mind replaced. Luckily, I managed to backup all of my files beforehand, including the half-finished chapter five! Unfortunately, finals are two or three weeks away and I have a lot of catching up to do. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! Thank you very much for reading my story.


	6. this is not the end

Later, Noodle would say that she had been outraged when she discovered that the folder was missing, or maybe she would have denied its existence all together. But the truth of the matter was, she knew exactly when Murdoc had taken the folder and she knew exactly when he was going to give it back to her.

Murdoc could be a very prideful person, sneaking around was not something he would normally do. So while he stole the folder, he gave it back to her in person, all of the files in an orderly fashion, termination paper for Ichiro neatly where it was supposed to go. Murdoc was prideful, and it pained him to admit that he was not omnipotent, but there were some things he needed to know.

"Why'd you keep that one? Was it the only one you could find?"

She cast her eyes down. "No, they are stored in a different folder, in another place."

He crossed his arms. "So why this one?"

"To...remind me what mine will look like. Although I hope the paper won't be so garish."

Without stopping to think about what he was doing, Murdoc knelt down and roughly pulled Noodle into a tight embrace. It could be called a hug, but it was slightly too possessive for that. He whispered harshly into her ear, "You won't get one of those, I swear it." She was shocked into stillness, her hands finally going up to rest on his shoulder blades.

She decided to not tell him that her termination was not his decision and the finality of it would depend solely on her. As he pushed her down on the floor and kicked her door shut with one long leg, she also decided to not tell him that when her moment of fight or flight came, she had no idea what she was going do.

---

The tanabata festival was beautiful. Noodle wore a deep blue kimono with a dark orange obi and carried a lacquered paper umbrella behind her. Murdoc had been talked into a deep green haori and black hakama, which he complained looked too much like a skirt. The only reason he wore it at all was that Noodle was the only one that knew how to get it on properly, which required her to dress him. And as much as Murdoc loved to watch women get dressed, he liked them to dress him even more.

2D wore a bright pink yukata and Russel a blue checkered, which Noodle had blushed at and excused herself for her lack of explanation.

Murdoc was the only one wearing pants. He had laughed until he fell over, at which point he had gotten a peek under 2D's skirt and howled for him to go put underwear on.

Noodle had passed out small bags of candy, a few Japanese yen and some string. She explained that the yen and actual bag was for wealth and the string was to symbolize their threads of fate that linked them all together. 2D had grinned and immediately knotted the string around his throat. Murdoc stashed the whole thing away in his hakama, simply because he could. She'd have to keep an eye on when he wore it and where he wore it to. Russel simply smiled and tossed a few sugar star candies into his mouth.

They all hung their wishes on the sad little bamboo tree that Noodle had picked up from a small Asian market. Noodle only hung up one, _I want everyone to be where they are supposed to, and accept it._ She didn't have the heart to hang up anything else. She peeked at the others, and smiled a bit at the random wishes scattered around.

Russel's asked for someone to please clean the entirety of Kong, 2D wanted a pipe organ situated in his room and Murdoc wanted Cortez to stop shitting all over the driver's seat of the Winnebago. She muffled a smile and threw her arms around the shoulders of 2D and Murdoc. "Russel-san! Please take a photograph!"

The bright flash made 2D grimace and Murdoc shut one eye.

It was the most beautiful picture Noodle had on her wall.

---

A few weeks after that, there was a returned sense of peace to Kong. Noodle seemed to have grown somehow, and even 2D seemed to notice the pale line of her neck, the strong muscles of her thighs as she danced in time to inner music, which could have been White Light. Murdoc liked to watch her, no matter what she did. He'd occassionally bring out his bass when she was doing housework, and she'd swing her little hips instictivly to the rythem he'd set. When they were alone, he could make her do the naughtiest things with music.

When the cover of Maxim came out, with sweet little Noodle-girl splayed over the cover like a schoolgirl assassin, record sales rocketed. If one went into the Winnebago, one would notice the glossy prints coating the closet door. There were even a few to be found hidden in 2D's room, although he would never admit it. Russel felt a little more uncomfortable about it, he'd flipped through the pictures at Noodle's request and blushed quite a bit, before saying that he liked the more demure ones and stuffing the slick paper back into her hands. She had simply grinned and thanked him, either completely unaware or all too knowing that he'd think about those pictures late at night and hate himself for it.

There were more shoots, less schoolgirl and more swimsuits, more underwear and more skin. There would be the occasional Japanese street fashion, simply because it was fun. She instinctively loved bright colors, but she had to surround herself with the neutral beiges and whites of her room. She found it a sweet haven to come home to.

She and Murdoc didn't talk very much these days. He kept a close eye on her and she pretended not to notice or be annoyed. He was pulling a few strings to learn more about Anda Ichigo, and he wasn't really learning anything. It was frustrating, but expected. He had simmered down some, become more somber and thoughtful with the Noodle's potential death looming around the corner of their new ablum release. They hadn't decided on a name, but they had about three quarters of the songs recorded already. There were more collaborations this time around, Noodle was tired and couldn't do everything by herself anymore.

There was a hidden track, solely bass, and it was from Murdoc to Noodle. It was entitled 'Never' and everyone who listened to it said they felt a strange and strong emotion behind it, but nobody could tell what it was.

Murdoc expected as much. He was completely different than anyone else, therefore the emotions he displayed towards certain people would be construed as out of the norm and unplacable unless specifically explained by himself. His version of love was closer to addiction and habit than anything else.

Noodle was starting not to care. She was growing accustomed to the feel of Murdoc around her when she woke, and she found herself bitter and sad on those occasions when he chose to spend the night with another. She had no right, she would whisper to herself in the night, ignoring the little damp spot on the pillow from her tears.

Anda Ichigo was dead, but he was threatening to break them apart anyways.

Murdoc grimaced at the termination record. Stupid fucking selfish bastard. How dare he cease to exist, do this to poor Noodle. She wasn't a killing machine or a programmed human, he didn't care what the Japanese government said.

He wanted to say something, but it seemed like he choked on his tongue every time he tried.

--

"Murdoc-san, please pay attention! We have to get this completely finished today and you're making that awfully difficult." Noodle was glaring at him disapprovingly, the deep green of her eye barely visible from under the lid.

He'd been sitting on the lewd purple couch in the recording studio, daydreaming about what he wanted to do to Noodle after the practice, and he had failed to pay attention to his surroundings. In the least. As it were, Noodle had been calling his name for the past five minutes, 2D was playing Fur Elise on his piano, and Russel was just glaring at him.

"Ur, right love. Let's get this going, shall we?" He stood up and grimaced, his back feeling ten sorts of terrible from the slumped position he had taken. He was OLD now, he reminded himself painfully. He couldn't ignore his body for much longer and ignore the consequences of what came after.

Picking up his beloved bass, he strode behind Noodle to his little corner and his equipment. A soft melody echoed out of her guitar, faintly Spanish and haunting. The vocals and percussion kicked in not long after, and "The End of Days" took off into flight. 2D controlled how low it would swoop and Noodle controlled how high it was allowed to go. Murdoc came in to keep a somewhat steady flightpath, with his thick fingers plucking at the strings of his bass like an old friend, lover. Russel was simply in the background, the clash of thunder and wind.

Two hours after the recording session, he sought Noodle out.

She was with 2D, playing some sort of video game in the front room. Murdoc stayed in the back, observing her and realizing, not for the first time, how young she was.

"Noodle, you gotta stop smashing the buttons like that! These controllers are VINTAGE, ya know!" 2D reached over playfully, meaning to grab the old Nintendo controller out of her hands. She pulled away and stuck her tongue out at him. He leaned in closer, determined to get his prize. The farther back she leaned, the closer he came to touching her mouth with his.

When he lost his balance and fell into her, it was all Murdoc could do to stay silent. He forced himself to not break the doorframe.

It wasn't a passionate kiss, simply a pressing together of mouths and skinny skinny limbs tangled together on floor of the living room. 2D pressed a little harder, but Noodle broke off and looked away. She hastily scooted up and away, fixing the strap of her camisole and keeping her gaze fixed on the ground. She whispered, "2D-san, it would be best for us to...not."

He looked at her, confused. His big black eyes trained on her face, he said, "Why not? If you do it with Murdoc, then why not me too? I'm every bit as good as him!" He was sitting too, a jealous posture.

Murdoc's lip curled up. _Fat chance, you irritating dullard._ The very thought of 2D trying to bed Noodle made him want to kill something. Now that it was being acted out right in front of him, he found it increasingly difficult to remember why he wasn't replaceable as a singer.

Noodle smiled a bit and looked away, her eyes distant. "My butterscotch angel, this I doubt very much. Murdoc is...well, it's different with us. It's also not for your ears. It's very private, our feelings and actions." She lifted her eyes to his for the splittest of seconds, and Murdoc knew – he _knew_- that she had known he was there the entire time. "It would be best for me to go now. I'll be in my room if anyone..._needs_...me."

She got up and left. 2D turned around slowly.

"Uh, heh, heya Muds.."

--

He was wrapping his lips around one cute nipple, tugging on it with his teeth while she pressed her core against his thigh. One of her hands was in his thick hair while the other gripped the sheets next to her head. She wailed a little bit he pulled up and away.

He was staring down at her, mismatched eyes taking in her heaving chest and shiny splayed hair, her eyes staring back at him filled with lust and she lifted her hips. He brought her legs up and around his waist, and suddenly he was home. It never felt better than the first time he entered her, he never felt more complete and safer than that split second they both savored.

He groaned and started to move his hips, the sound of slapping flesh and panting breaths filling the air. He stared down at her, watching her pretty breasts bounce in time to his thrusting. It was like music, like dancing. He loved this.

He closed his eyes and threw his head back, feeling her take his hands in her tiny ones. He leaned forward, gasping into her shoulder, her breathing gently into his ear, those words that tried to kill him before now coming to the light and top, "I love you, I love you." Over and over again, and he had never had a better orgasm in his life. Her soft whispers with his bedroom confessions, they made a beautiful pair in the moonlight.

Which was why, when he woke up and she was gone, he was suspicious.

When Russel came running up the stairs and starting pounding on her door, shouting, "Muds! MUDS!" his heart gave a little lurch.

When he joined 2D standing in front of Kong with a scene very reminiscent of one of those weird Japanese cartoons she used to watch, Murdoc came very close to crying.

On the side of Kong in big red letters was the simple expression:

BYE-BYE!

If he had a heart, he knew it would be unbearably painful in that moment to use it.

So he just turned around and went back inside.

--

So that was it! I know it's been months and I'm sorry, but I lost my spark for awhile. The next chapter won't take so long, I swear it! Please, tell me how you like it.


	7. interlude: architecture

He hadn't been sober in two weeks.

It felt more like five years.

The fact that Murdoc was drinking himself into a hole was not unusual. The fact that Murdoc was drinking himself into a hole over a GIRL, well, that could've made the headlines. He told himself that later, when he bothered to give a shit, he'd find this whole mess just completely embarrassing.

For now, though, he'd go on turning each day into six months and wait as seasons seemed to turn every three hours for her to come back. Every time he stumbled out of his Winnebago, there was someone waiting for him. Dullard or Tubby, or Cortez on a warm day. But no Noodle. Not even one sign, not one whiff of her scent on the wind, other than what was left of her in his sheets.

He had avoided her room because he knew that if he went in, he'd never come out again. He'd probably just break down and die from the pressure of her presence, so ingrained in her space. And that's what it was, what it had been. The space that Noodle occupied seemed to bend itself to her will, and she had spent so much time in her room that it felt unfair that the entire half of the wing hadn't collapsed itself into black hole in an attempt to follow here where ever she had gone. But the space was still there, only without Noodle so it lacked being a room and had reverted to being a space waiting to be occupied.

Murdoc tried to kill out all of these uncharictaristicly deep thoughts with as many drugs as he had left in his stash, which wasn't many. Just a bit of opium and ecstacy, not even enough to kill him if he tried to overdose. So he took it all and waiting for the pain to fade, but it only seemed to get sharper.

But her space, he though to himself, it had been the very air, the matter around her that seemed to reconfigure itself to her liking. Every part of the world that Noodle had occupied, however briefly, had become her space, and he wondered if all of those spaces felt her absence as keenly as he did.

Murdoc rested his head in his palms as he realized, sadly and heavy, that without even knowing it, he had turned himself into a space that Noodle was meant to occupy. So what was he now that she was gone?

---

"So, um, how is he?" 2D stuck his head into the kitchen, the spaces around his tired black eyes bruised and worried. Russel had just gotten back from his little check up on Murdoc.

"Man, it's gotten bad. I don't know what he took, but he's just sittin' there with his face in his hands. He didn't even know I was there." Russel felt like doing what Murdoc was, holing himself up in his room and wasting away, but he, well, he knew that Noodle would've never done that. Everything had to keep running somehow.

2D just sat down next to him and they stayed that way for awhile, with two extra places set at the table and nobody there to fill the silence.

---

She stared straight ahead. She'd left Britain three hours after she left Kong, and was now somewhere in the less kept regions of India. She'd been searching for two weeks, and her birthday had been one, two days ago? Or maybe it had been three months, she wasn't sure.

It almost appeared that she had stepped outside of time, and it no longer mattered to her. It could no longer press it's heavy hands into her shoulders, she shook them off when it tried. It couldn't trip her up, she was too quick for that.

Somehow, she was expanding time, making her minutes last hours and she felt like she was walking right by people as they were standing still, and nobody knew she was there. She never had known what her power was, out of everyone's, and how she had the horrible idea that she was much, much older than she thought she was.

And her stomach sunk deeper into her soul when she found what she had been looking for since the dawn of time, and her head reeled with the implications. It was small, and plain, and she wished she had never found it.

Anda Ichigo had been born one hundred and fifty years before Murdoc's conception.

----

Hey everyone, here's a small interlude to quicken the plot rather rapidly. I just wanted to write it and couldn't find a way to lengthen it appropriately. I do plan to bring in the El Manana video at some point, make it tie in with everything else.

Please, tell me what you think. And I made a Murdoc/Noodle C2, for lack of one, and please don't hesitate to PM me with links to stories I missed archiving!


	8. devil for his due

She knew she had to go back.

Noodle hid out in India for three more weeks before making her way up through China, dodging the major cities and roads. In Russia she nearly froze to death before deciding to break down and get a hotel room. Sleeping outside in the bushes had been just fine before now, but she didn't want to imagine the look on Murdoc's face if they found her corpse in a frozen bundle near Moscow. He would probably raise her from the dead, damning the consequences, and she really didn't want to take that risk either.

The room was small and modest. The bed squeaked a little when she sat down, but the comforter was thick and the sheets were soft flannel. A small bathroom allowed her the use of a tiny shower and toilet. The hot water almost made her scream in pain at first, but she forced herself to get used to the tempurature before washing her hair. And what hair it was! In the two months she had been away from Kong, her hair had grown at least five inches. She had to wash it four times before she was satisfied that it was clean.

Supper was brought up after she dried off and dressed, a hot beef stew and hunk of soft bread filled her stomach and made her sleep soundly. When she woke, breakfast was waiting on her nightstand. Thick oatmeal with cinnamon and a bowl full of orange slices. She drank nothing but water for the three days that she was there.

On the third day, when she got out of the shower, there was no dinner to be had. Oh, it had been there sure enough, a dirty plate told her that. A note was on it in a familiar scrawling hand, _Meet me downstairs._

Noodle almost wept with relief and threw on what matching clothes she could find.

When she saw Murdoc, she froze. He was dozing in the lobby, hands crossed over his belly and his long legs unbent before him. His face was sallow and pinched, and she noted more weightloss than she would have otherwise cared to admit. She could see every wrinkle on his face, every line in his hands and every year in his veins. God help her, Murdoc looked OLD. For the first time in her life, she was suddenly ashamed of him. She was hyper aware of every pair of eyes flickering between him and her, every frown on strong jaws and the way the clerk almost seemed to glare at her from under half moon glasses. Of course, they were Russian, so Noodle had the faint impression that they looked like that all the time.

Plucking up her courage, she came over and sat herself down next to him. Almost instantly, he was awake. Or maybe he had never been asleep. She wasn't sure. She gave an internal sigh and thought, 'He's getting old and I'm getting dull. What a pair we make.'

He was staring straight ahead when he rasped, "I almost died because of you."

Whether from heartache or endless searching, she couldn't tell. She didn't really want to. "I'm sorry." She replied in clipped tones, her knuckles grasping the hard wooden armrests of her chair.

He snorted, an abnormally weak sound. "Sorry..." It was filled half with disgust, half with a tired whine. "Sorry shouldn't even begin to cover it." He pushed himself up and walked away from her, tossing, "We're going up to your room now." over his shoulder. Like an afterthought. She bit her lip and followed him meekly, not sure what else to do. She avoided the suspicious gaze of the clerk, her eyes cast to Murdoc's worn Cuban heels.

The instant the frail door had shut behind them, Murdoc had pressed her up against it. He shuddered against her, once, twice, his heart threatening to burst open his throat and his face buried in her smooth shoulder. Her arms pinned uncomfortably to her sides, Noodle had little choice but to press an uncertain hand to his hip and wince at the feel of bone.

At her touch, he tossed himself back from her with a harsh cry, his feet scuffing the floor and his eyes painfully bright. "Look at what you've **done** to me!" he snarled as he tossed off his shirt, flinging it across the room. It fluttered against the wall and sank to the ground like a dying bird. Noodle covered her mouth to silence the cry that threatened to break from her throat. She could count each rib, see the skin straining across his sternum. She could make out where his collarbone connected to his shoulder, his skinny arms were little more than bone and tough muscle. His normally slightly paunch belly was concave now, he looked like a skeleton with greasy olive skin stretched over it. She could see the sharp outline of his jaw more clearly now, the pronounced hollows of his cheeks, the dark rings under his sunken eyes. Oh his eyes, those mismatched windows to his wretched soul! They looked at her with a pain so clear, so sharp she felt as if she, too, was dying.

She sunk to her bony knees, and he could see clearly that this trip had been not much kinder to her than to him. She was tinier than when she left, and he had no illusions about what bones he would see beneath her baggy shirt and loose skirt. A thin wail crept out from behind her hands and her thin shoulders shook. Noodle sobbed endlessly, it seemed, and he could not bring himself to go to her. For all of his dreams, all of his wishings for their reunion, this was not one of them. This shambling revealing of starvation, heartache and pain. He had expected something wonderful, some kind greeting on her part and then they would both fall into bed. Or, at worse, he would catch her having eloped with another man. He would have died then for sure, he felt.

He could at least say, now, 'It could be worse.' and it would be truthful.

Murdoc sighed and strode over to where his dirty shirt had fallen. He picked it up and jammed it back on angrily. She had fallen out of the path of the doorway, so he stopped beside her a moment, his mood dark now. "Be ready at six in the morning, or don't ever come back at all." She nodded helplessly, wiping her hands across her eyes. When she looked up, he was already gone.

--

The flight home was tense and silent, the car ride from the airport to Kong was filled with the sounds of the Geep and even tenser, and the actual homecoming was...not as she expected it. There was a thick snow on the ground, and she felt the fat flakes stick on her eyelashes as she blinked back tears. Her room was an empty hole in the side of the studio, and she felt colder at the sight of it.

Murdoc slamed the Geep door and stalked to the Winnebago, leaving the door open behind him.

Noodle gathered her meager belongs and followed him tentively, closing the door behind her.

There was a sigh of peace around Kong as it rearranged itself in accordance to the return of it's favorite occupant.

----

I look at my own lover these days and feel myself begin to hate him. The crooked line of his smile, the silky curtain of his hair, the thick barrel of his chest and the curved round of his hip are all attractive and repulsive to me. I feel helpless, caught in a web of my own desire. His lust is overcoming his love, he plans to leave his fiancee for me. I don't know if I can let him do that and not mock him for it later. In my turmoil, I finally decided to write again. It's not a happy drabble, but I assume that if these two actually did form a relationship, the happy times would be few and far between.

How appropriate that it should land at Christmas. Happy holidays, all. I'm really sorry this is such a pathetic gift.


	9. slow fade into the ocean's arms

Noodle felt like she was empty, but it was a sucking, greedy void that wanted more from her than anything she had to give.

Her head hurt, always. A throb under her left eye that seemed to signify that the emptiness was there, slicing off bits of her consciousness to consume. Every time she ate a slice of cheese on a cracker, it made her wonder if the emptiness ate her brain the same way. Little wedge after little wedge, until the entire wheel is gone.

The whole of her _hurt_, always. Her joins, her skin, her eyes, her legs, her arms...like everything was trying to be sucked inwards and consumed. A black hole inside her head, pulling everything up and away.

So when Noodle left the Winnie for the first time and went to see 2D and Russel, she was shrunken. There were circles under her eyes. Her voice was small, her breath was shallow and rotten. Her shoulders, hunched. Her neck, low. They were shocked to see her alive and even more so to see that, while she was living with him, Murdoc was studiously ignoring her rapid decline of health. He followed after her with a hand on her frail shoulder and presented her to them, like a bounty hunter with a captured criminal, waiting for a reward.

After a minute, Russel reached out slowly, running a hand over her head. He could not stop the grimace that leaped to his face at the feel of her coarse, oily hair. He pulled his hand away and wiped it on the side of his leg absently, not even paying attention to the movement. Noodle, still sharp, noticed quietly and did not say a word. She spoke very quietly a moment later, "May I take a shower?" and was rewarded immediately. 2D escorted her to the cleanest bathroom in Kong, the one he had made a point of keeping clean in case of her eventual return. It was unusual for the normally half-dead vocalist to devote much time or effort to anything, but the bathroom had slowly become spotless, and then started to fill up with personal hygiene products that reminded him of Noodle. Any scent that reminded him of her, he bought. Lotion, shampoo, perfume, toothpaste, mouthwash, body wash, hand soap, he had filled up all the little cabinets. A shower curtain with the Japanese flag on it, white towels with red washcloths, plush white mats on the floor.

The bathroom had been the only thing that had kept him sane during her absence. "She'll be back, and when she gets back, she might need a shower, or a soak in the tub, or she might want to brush her teeth or put on smelly stuff. I'll have it all ready and waiting. I'll have it all here, for when she gets back." Had been his mantra for the time that she'd been gone. It kept him tied to her, in his heart. And now she was finally going to use it. 2D's heart soared as he opened the door to the bathroom, turned on the slightly dimmed lighting and presented it to her with a flourish of his nervous arm.

"For you, Noodle. I did it for you." The pride was evident in his voice.

She thanked him with a shallow bow and a whispered, "Thank you." before silently ushering him out and closing the door behind him.

2D backed away from the door quietly, slightly hurt but also elated to know that she was using the bathroom for it's intended purpose: cleansing.

He came back into the main lobby just in time to see Russel throw Murdoc through a glass table.

--

After 2D had whisked Noodle away, Russel and Murdoc stood in a heavy and uncomfortable silence.

That was, until, Russel roared and punched Murdoc in the mouth. He didn't resist, took it almost as a punishment. Russel's thick, meaty fist hit Murdoc in the jaw, knocking loose two rotten teeth, and Murdoc hissed. The second hit, to the opposite side, hit his cheekbone and he was sure he felt something shift that was supposed to be stationary. He flew against a wall and Russel hit him until he was sure he was nothing more than a bag of liquid.

2D came in just as Russel picked up his limp body and threw him through a pretty glass table.

The impact hurt, and Murdoc stared up at the slightly moldy ceiling passively. He could feel the shards of glass piercing his back, and thought for a second that now that his skin was broken, his liquefied organs would leak out of his spine. There was a heavy silence, amplified by the sound of small glittery glass pieces tinkling off of Murdoc, and the oppressive sound of Russel's breathing.

"This is new." 2D looked between Murdoc and Russel.

After a minute, he walked over, the glass crunching under his feet, and helped Murdoc up. "But, I have to agree that you deserved it." And he helped Murdoc over to the worn couch.

--

In the bathroom, Noodle let the hot water run over her. She stood, with her face up, surrounded by pleasant smelling steam. She'd chosen a vanilla shampoo, and was letting the conditioner soak into her hair. Slowly, she picked up a fluffy red bath pouf and poured a liberal amount of body wash onto it. As she scrubbed herself, she closed her eyes tighter and imagined all of her sins engraved in her pores like dirt, and scrubbed harder.

Noodle scraped the pouf across her skin, rubbing it raw.

--

Murdoc winced as Russel tugged a large piece of glass out of his back. "That hurts, you know."

"Good." was the grunted reply.

2D sat by with a bottle of rubbing alcohol, swabbing the wounds that Russel dug glass out of, and slapping bandages on the deeper ones. They sat in silence, a faux doctor and nurse.

--

As Noodle descended the steps, the first thing she smelled was blood. Raising her eyebrow, she looked around the corner and almost smiled at the sight of the boys playing doctor. Murdoc caught sight of her and his face remained blank, but he tilted his head up slightly and she turned the corner.

It's time to explain everything.

--

How long has it been, my loves? One, two years? More? I apologize for this failure of an update. I recently got a fan who IM'd me, Megan, and she desperately wanted the next chapter. I've had this for awhile, but it always remained unfinished, and therefore unposted. But she said it would make her so excited, so happy, and I am nothing if not a slave to my fans. I'm sorry for this lack-luster cliffhanger, but I'll try and figure these elusive personas out soon.

On the good side, I'm very close to having my Bachelor's degree in animation, hence the lack of updates. I still love every single one of you.


End file.
